Verses Due: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004
Voting Ends: Saturday February 9th, 2004
Topic: Smoke Signals
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Verses Due: Tuesday February 3rd, 2004
Voting Ends: Saturday February 9th, 2004
Topic: Smoke Signals
ChecK.
Check...my fellow group member :)
Outside...
Taste of Sweat Reminds, of Such a Time...
When Joy I'd Find as Ambers Raced My Mind...
I Lay Motionless, Breathing Deep, Hard to Regain...
...The Satisfaction Therapists Planted, Within My Brain...
Obsession? Me!...Lose Sanity? So Far From The Truth...
However...
More Time I Have To Ponder...My Denial Is Mute...
Truth Rejected Another Minute, Arising Inside, A Spirit...
...That Screams, I Can Hear It, Fight Back, Now I Fear It...
Poison Pushes It Back...Vodka My Quick Remedy.....
Yet When The Last Drops Run...Invite Back My Enemy...
Conscience Rendered Weak...The Yelling...Nobody's There...
Flame at My Feet, Torch My Eyes...Complete Control Impaired....
Within…
Fall Back Into The Darkness...Tap The Memory Stored...
Obsession Seeped Through Barricades ...Awake In My Core...
Standing Above The Innocent...Resentment Grows To Lunacy...
Clock Is Long Run Out...Gas's Scent Drifts So Beautifully...
The Key To My Urges...Sparks....Smirk Arose From The Flame...
I Hold It Above...Dangling...One Last Thought Before Ablaze...
I Now Shadow My Family...Unaware...They Sleep In Peace...
Unaware of The Gasoline...Life or Death...On My Release...
All Of A Sudden, The Flame Disperses…Threat Subdued?...
I Reverse Back To Reality, I’ll Be Back To Follow Through…
Outside…
Back To My Senses…Trying To Fight Images Made…
It Wasn’t Me, Don’t They Believe…I Cannot Escape?...
Burden’s Weight Is Immense…I Hide It With Caution…
Goddess of Fortuna…Spin Your Wheel…
Or Better Yet…
Take Me Off It…
I’m A Victim of God’s Game…I’m Only Praying That …
…He Rolls Snake Eyes…Before I’m Defined…Pyromaniac…
Cause Death? My Family? That was not through my ambition…
My Mind’s Been Blinded…
By Him Within…
And My Condition…
Falling Back n’ Forth…Reliving Horror…Pain Embedded…
God And Satan’s Sport…
I’m The Tool Used…
Between Hell And Heaven…
He’s Traveling Through My Veins…My Heart…He’s All Of Me…
Yet…
This Is More Defined… Attempts Again To Gain Reality…
Can’t Witness It Again…Glimpses… Hard Emotional Ties…
So It’s Time To Embrace This Being… Losing Faith To Even Try…
Secrets Released…
My Family Settled Still…The Flame I Hold In Hand…
Gasoline Fumes Fill The Nostrils…Still On My Command…
My Father Looks Up As He Is Tasseled…Held Still On The Bedding…
I Spoke Softly With A Grin… Dad, Do You Remember At The Wedding?...
…When I Was Staring At The Cake, Quiet…Easily Handled…
You Said It’s Just The Wax Melting…
Yet..,
I Didn’t Mind The Candles…
The First Time I Noticed It… Fire…Birthed A Being In My Corpse…
Now I Must Awake It In You…My Apology… But By Force…
I Leer Into This Torch…It Answers Me…My Only Therapy…
So As It Helps Me…
I Answer…It Is A Being…Both Are Sharing Me…
If You Could Only Trust…This Feeling So Pure & Honest…
Start To See Life’s Value Cheap… Futures A Broken Promise…
And No One Will Blame Me…’A’ Grades Plus Your Payroll…
Turned Me Into Satan Himself…With A Store-Bought Halo…
Look…At This Flame? It Waves With An Abstract Language…
It Grows Tiresome of Hunger…Starving For More Anguish…
No More Patience…I Watch The Lighters Luminance And Breath…
As The Smoke Signals My Release…I Watch The Fire As I Feed…
Had fun with this one...
Smoke signals...
I was a rebel at best, angered and lived pissed
fuck those who label me as a solely gift missed
the world doesn't understand my difference
at times a gun is my idea of mind clearance
an appearance of hope is a no show cancelled act
but the devil offers a very nice penciled pact
the fact is the road is paved full of blockades
I dont need a cure, just go and try to stop aids.
thats a real disiase not my miscomprehension
everything was peachy till it killed my good intention
I never saw it coming the wide jaw and big nose.
I should have seen the smoke signals..................
Young, well manered with full righteous morals
well liked by many,. would u like some referals?.
graduated top of the class with nothing but high marks
with miss right from the start thats how love sparks
good looking, smart and a charming smile
top of theline wear so as to not offend style
I was happy but in one quick flash i heard him.
I should have seen the smoke signals..............
country man rugged and prepared for outdoors
arrogant cause his pickup truck is bigger than yours.
flannel wearing cowboy boots tapping fool
with a feather in his hat wich he tought was cool
lived life to the fullest and loved a good hunt
and had a hell of a bitch yes pardon the pun
a female dog fool, a retreiver whats ideal
hed go target practice, a real man appeal.
hed shoot and miss and bring down all shingles
and smile after he shot and admired the smoke signals....get it?.
I'm still undecided on my vote,
but I'm upping this for you,
because it is getting slept on.
Enjoyed them both...
Real quick, just to settle flow...
I thought Largo's was much more fluid.
Up until his Smoke Signal hook...
In the second stanza.
Don't know why ya did that.
But all around, way, way smoother than Taktik's pause filled verse.
I just don't get why ya added so many flow breakers.
Now on to story...
Taktik really killed this with the high drama and psychotic mindframe of his character...
Deep, troubled, definately a shocker...
But I didn't feel it was done for shock value...
It was just real fucking good the way it unfolded.
Largo was ok, but too simple...
Didn't describe his characters well enough...
I mean, one cat's story was only given 8 lines...
And short ones at that.
Good message, see the obvious for what it is...
But I just think ya could have delved deeper than ya did.
For quite the amazing and interesting story...
(despite what I saw as fucked up flow)
Taktik
Peace
Tak wins