The Samaritan Clause

we all know him,.. he's been old since our birth
so cold with his words it holds him with a curse
he folded his happy feelings first, expressionless
plus you can sense his emptyness if ya next to him
he never grins, he only yells how he hates noise
n' gets extra grim if he ever see's boys with toys
because to him, todays youth is lazy and unaging
he says "i did hard work, you think they payed me?!"
his entire life has been one of poker faces n' frowns
sulken phrases n' sweat by the ounce but as of now
he just sits there with his depressed glance on life
passed him twice after the death of his son n' wife
now he lives all alone in a 5 bedroom home as he moans
to the painted walls, and aging portraits of souls
he once loved to the death of him ..
or, .....the death of them,
so now he has nothing, except money and hate
and the wrinkles on his face make a symbol of dismay
he takes pills all day, anti-depressents n' pain-killers
but an ironic inverse reaction make his strain realer
insane killers of happiness, lurk in his thoughts
absurd and distraught, too blurred to ever walk
with pride again in his life, ... his pride is empty ..
so the next time you see him in the sun
as he screams at your fun, remember the love
that he doesn't possess, take some heart from ya chest
and lay it out in the open, to unfold and rest
because he doesn't have anything, n' u have it all
so next time he get's mad cuz your having fun ..
try throwing him the ball ..

old people are about to die .. remember that, pz

ok piece flow was ok in parts and you lost at times
same with the vocab. but quite good topic though (original)

ok piece flow was ok in parts and you lost at times
same with the vocab. but quite good topic though (original)

drop a vote on my battle
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108195

whack reply .. and don't double post ..
and i'm not reading your piece ever .

I really enjoyed this. The structure was good, flow was good, vocab was good.

This had a sudden twist...you ended it in a way I wasn't expecting..which was cool. I liked the topic..it was creative and enjoyable to actually see somebody right about there elders. Enjoyable read..i really liked it.

up.

Reply you pompous asses - Sand is barnone in the top three Open Mikers at Baprattles. . This was cool, man. We need to collaborate ..

top 10 open mic, suckas.

heh..
good drop
some nice imagery thru out the piece
i could imagine it was the old man actually writing these thoughts down.
and then as usual you ended it with a dope segment

'so the next time you see him in the sun
as he screams at your fun, remember the love
that he doesn't possess, take some heart from ya chest
and lay it out in the open, to unfold and rest
because he doesn't have anything, n' u have it all
so next time he get's mad cuz your having fun ..
try throwing him the ball ..

old people are about to die .. remember that, pz
^ill.

props

That piece was original in itself, props to ya Sand - I always enjoy good writtens.

Good story if It was one