[pre]MeNTiLL vs B.I.Detained

Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004

Topic: Lay The Blame

Im here ... Good luck ... peace

Hello

Lay the Blame
Openly Grimace at the Horrors that Lie In these Walls
If Silence represents Loneliness..It'd say Nothing at All
a Childs Call..In an Orphanage that Crowds beyond Belief
cannot be Repaired by Thee..so he Sits & Grinds his Teeth
The Parents
just the Youngest little Boy..Abandoned & Forgotten after Birth
left to Fend for hiself..Maybe get a little something from this Earth
thats if I Deserve..to Live..Abortion is a Misery you had to Give
but these "Parents" were too damn Coward to even give a Shit
so they Split..run outta the Hospital..Proabably started a New Life
away from their son..or should i say better as known as More Strife
but in Time..the Hands that be will Decide if there's Forgiveness
see in my Mind..they've already Forgotten bout there old Business
Defenceless..I look Tough on the Outside but I'm Soft to the Core
when I think of My Problems..it Doesn't just Rain..It Pours
Mental Sours that Scour my Life & could never be the Same
see somehow in my Mind..I have to Pick someone & Lay the Blame
Myself
My Thoughts tell me its the Parents Wrong but my Heart tells the Truth
Sheer Proof..coz I hate everythin about myself from Finger to Tooth
i Reach out to You..but Emotions are a Feeling I struggle to Broadcast
but if its Hate, Anguishment & Regret you Want..I hold those feelings Vast
a Coal Miners Past..its always Gonna Catch up w/ me & Decide my Death
coz the feeling of Not being Loved..stayed w/ me in my First & last Breath
I do nuttin but Detest..its like never seeing the Sun..forever in Darkness
if I ever tried to enter the Light..I'd end up w/ Views of a Marxist
try to Embark in This..throw my Past outta he window..Open a new Dawn
but I find myself at the Start..Of a Death I have yet to Mourn
it Sounds Stupid to the Reader..but i Still Hear it Again, Again & Again
so just to Finally stop the Voices..On Myself I totally Lay the Blame

So in God I trust to take Care of an Adult w/ Child at Heart
to not look at the Bad things I've done but to Split my Bad Apart
& to Chart..all the things that went Wrong..take me in your Arms
coz if my Lifeline could tell a Story..I'd have a Novel in My Palms

We made love, Passionately, eloquently, But irrelevantly
It wasn't good enuff for U, Cuz it wasn't heaven sent -
Evidently
U thought I was sub par while U were atop of the world
I sent U boxes of pearls, And portrayed Adam ...
When God was plottin' U girl
I sacrificed many tears for many years over many beers
Offered my shoulder if U had any cares
Or needed to overcome any fears
Here's a few pennys ... Cheers to us for wat we had
Lost, Buried, Forgot - Here's a thought
"But we had"
While others didn't have this valuable feeling inside -
Of their hearts, minds, souls ... No need for tears to be cried
Me and U tried ... And tried ... And tried ... And tried again
Over time our luv died, Was reborn, Then died again
I was torn into more than one piece
Was all yours in more than one lease
Happy when we soared, But got bored
And wat was yours became deceased
Released from a bond that held endearly to two hearts
That became entangled in dark
And took an angel to tear apart, Harsh ..
Feelings evovled to reality, While reality evolved into dreams
Things I couldn't receive, Like those night's U used to sing ..
And bring me joy and peace of mind, I had to believe I'd find
A piece of yours but lost faith, And eventually ceased the trying
Inside Im dying, Starving to death cuz I no longer have those riches
We made luv ... But it was flawed
And Im laying the blame on you if we can't fix it ... ...

Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in

B.I- Nice read and nice story to it..was lacking a lil in vocab but this was a dope peice..read it twice..broke it down creativily..all in all a dope peice

Metill- Nice read also...better vocab than b.i..went for a diffrent approach which is good since most people who go 2nd just bite the same approach to a peice..nice

but imma have to vote for b.i..just more to his verse..more creative and deeper

v = b.i

B.i= Dope drop....The flow was good, content was there....I had to force my self to read it though, you got deep... really deep. However, your font was gay...............gay!...it was way to hard to read.....

Mentill: I liked your approach better on this, content was good, vocab was there, and you kept me reading...thats what counts....your structure was also better since your letter were bigger...lol.

Vote: Mentill

Good drops by both, but overall Mentill's peice was jusr more intesting to me.


Still love you Brix........ :hump:

B.I- it was a nicely written story,flow and content were both good, and was strong and like said deep, i thought vocab could have been brought up some too.
mentill- content and vocab were good, but what i liked about your piece was how you approached this topic, and kept it interesting.
vote=mentill

~Tera~
DONT HATE

bi.. it was a good story i liked it, but you got really deep.. thats why i only liked it.. and not more.. your vocab was a lil blah.. but thats alright.. it worked..

mentill..really good piece i could follow it very well.. your structure was about as good as your battling skills ;) but thats alright.. it still flowed really well..

v/mentill - you had a better piece.. that i found more enjoyment in reading

I think B.I.'s verse had consistency, a good rhyme scheme, a good story, a good piece with no signs of brilliance. MeNTiLL struggled at the beginning, then in the middle painted a beautiful picture of imagery, a perfect rhyme scheme, and in the end, kind of fell off again. If you had consistantly shown that kind of brilliance, we could be talking legends. But you didn't, so we aren't. Instead, we're talking my vote, which you do get. Congratulations

Vote:Mentill

I felt B.I's piece was okay, nothign special. Neither was MentILL's but i felt towards the middle he picked up in emotin and imagery - basically that took it for him.

votementill

Mentill wins