Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004
Topic: Out In The Cold
Printable View
Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004
Topic: Out In The Cold
Due date is kind of early.
I may need a 1 day extension.. but I'll do my best to get it in by 24th.
I'm goin 16 lines. Match me.
Since it's pre-season, I'm willing to make exceptions....just pm me if you really need the extention. Write tonight, or tomorrow, and then you should be fine
Nevermind I don't need one. I'm going 32 Lines. Go as you wish.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...35#post1123835
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...41#post1123841
This is the wife telling the story
Empty beer cans.. Smell of burnt cigarette tobacco
My fear expands.. It's hell in this hurtful household
Literally walking on egg shells.. Mindful of what I say
Knowing the wrong sentence can set off his abusive ways
He's sitting there on the couch, I ask of the trash
He turned so quick.. I thought he'd get whiplash
Then stands up.. walks directly towards me shaking his head
Points his finger in my face.. I felt like my lips were lead
Couldn't say anything back.. just trembled and shook
Bitch, I've worked all day.. Get in the kitchen and cook
I just looked in his face.. Like staring death in the eyes
Twas a summer night.. But the weather was like winter outside
So I cooked.. Feeling depressed.. I was shook yet blessed
For this night.. I realized my life was a mess
Suddenly he appeared thru the darkness of light
Got close and said.. I want your sex all night
She was done.. she thought.. That's it I've had it
Said.. Ok hunny, I'll get the magnum and unwrap it
Went to the closet pulled down a taped up box
Ripped the tape off.. It's full of guns and glocks
She hid the magnum in her pocket.. Told him to undress
So he did then suddenly she held the magnum up to his chest
Said.. Get out you bitch.. Get out right this minute
I'm done with your abusive ways.. Here.. Let me "hit it"
She smacked his face.. Kicked him downstairs.. Said Be gone!
So at gun point he went to get his stuff..
.. and she buzzed and said WRONG
Out the door now or I'll fill your lips with lead
He said hunny..I'm sorry... I might as well be dead
*Smiling* I know.. So there he is naked.. feeling shitty
Went back inside.. Noticed he was still there..
.. So I went back out with a beer can and said.. miss me?
He looked and said.. Oh thank you.. went to grab it so bold
And I hauled back and let loose..
..Same thing that hit me hit him.. And knocked him out in the cold
So Much Hatred For Only One Being
What The Fuck Aren't You Seeing?
You Stabbed My Heart With The Spoon
That Thing On Your Shoulder's Is Justa Balloon
Misled That Your Ditziness Was Just An Act
Your Just A Stupid Bitch, Now That's a Fact
You Never Understood The Serious Things
Didn't Even Make My Corded Phone Ring
How Hard Could It Have Been To Dial The Number
Your Cells Upstairs, In Permenant Slumber
Why Don't You Just Die, And Make Me Happy
Don't Expect Me To Act Sad And Sappy
The Time I Wasted, Will Never Be Replaced
Concepts Of Love And Caring, You Never Faced
I Offered My Feelings And Respectful Time
But How Many Times Must I Drop A Life Line?
So Many Hints For You To Take Advantage
I Hope You Get Knocked Up With Multiple Kids
When I Terminated Ties, What Did You Miss?
You're More Worried About, Nobody For Christmas
Now You See Me, Now You Don't
Don't Act Like You'll Miss Me, We Know You Won't
If You Truly Still Did, Woulda Prevented The Unfold
I Wouldn't Have Left You, Out In The Cold
Token - i liked the way you handled the topic, a good concept and interseting, which seemed to flow nicely, and i liked the way the story developed, towards the end tho, the flow fell a bit, thought it could have been worded better, but for most thought the scheme worked well....
whitelightning - a nice slant on the topic, and the flow got going, but thought the scheme in places could be better, it seemed to stop n start a bit, if ya know what i mean, other than that it was decent, liked the way ya finished it...
over all im going with Token, thought concept was better and a better feel to the verse, but quite close....vote=token
Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in
Token-reading your verse touched me..because I was over a cousin's house.. and for the first time..I've seen a women get beaten..and it'a horrible..so reading thise verse made me smile because the woman stood up..too bad my cousin didnt..anyway..you told a great story..I liked the ending..some of the lines were long and you tried to fix it by breaking it up, but it messed up the flow..overall..I give you a 8/10
whitelightning-:wtf: was up with your verse?..in my opinion..it sucked..it looks like you didnt put any real!! effort in it..like you just keyed it up..it looks like you was trying to tell a story..but it wasnt a good one..flow was the best thing..and even that was choppy at some point..so I give you a 6/10
vote token..
^lmao what a sheltered child.
token-nice peice storytelling was great
kept up with the womans emotions and also
still flowed the story along, and nice use of
the phrase.
white-i didnt see the story clearly as i did in tokens
and the good lines should cover if ur not going to
tell a story i guess.... so id have to say token got
this.
vo.tok.
V/ Token
token - lol nice story to your verse..like how she flips near the end..flows a lil blah at times but the rest is there...good shit
white - reads like you rushed your verse = / ...still it aint bad..a nice read with some god immagary..you were hitting the deeper approach on the topic just should have tried
Hmmm, Tokens Verse Started Off Good, But Then Fell Off Towards The End...Imagery Was Ok, But I Wasnt Really Keen On The Concpet Chosen. It Was An Ok Verse.
White, Sorry, But I Wasnt Really Feelin Your Verse Much. Your Imagery Was Ok, But It Didnt Really Want To Make Me Read On And Get Into It More. I Was Expecting You To Win This.
Sorry, I'm Not Intending To Be Harsh Or Anything, Just Wanna See Both Of You Write To Your Full Potential.
Vote - Token
Weak battle
I personally think that whites sucked ass
Token actually told a story (even if it was cliche)
Imagery was good til the end with tokens
Whites was never there
Token and everyone......never mention GLOCKS!!!!!!!!
Vote - Token
Token Wins