Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004
Topic: Change Of Mind
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Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004
Topic: Change Of Mind
Alright checkin in....good luck...this one going to be hard to win lol
Replied To:
Evolve & Skiddz
Dev & Bigg EZ
Write Mind & Speek E.Z
C h e c k i n I n
Good Luck
Turn The Lights Down Dim Smile At My Grin
I'm A Player..But I'm Here To Win..Forgive My Sin
But To Endure Your Actions And Love So Pure
I'd Do anythnig..Tobe Next To Her.
Prime Amusement Is Us Wrestling Around
Looking In Your Eyes And The Bliss I Found
I Didn't Act To Plesent When You Kissed My Heart
I'm So Inlove, I'm Worried It'll One Day Split Apart
As Fast As A Dart In The Air..But Now..
I See You Trully Care..I Think How..
Somebody So Precious Could Enjoy My Presents
Cause Through My Adalesents..Your My Blesson
No Question..Through Our Lessons...
I've Learned To Stable..Kiss You In Public..It's Capable
My Blood Leeks For You..As Does Oxygen To A Lung
My Love..Seeks For You..As Does Protection..To A Relationship Begun
We've Been Together..A Year..Seems Almost Forever
Had Hard Times Sever..But Smiled At Eachother...
Found A Treasure..
Your Picture In The Dark..Shines As A Full Moon..So Beuatiful
So I Silent The Demons Bark..To Hope The Feeling's Mutual
Prayers & Wishes To Treat You For The Queen You Are..
Go Beyond Limits..Past The Boundries Of The Stars..
Hold Close Our Memeries For Us Is A Miracle Of God
Or So I Thought..The Enimies Exscaped..I'm Lost In Fog
Motionless Now..Paralized From Being Unclear..
I Was Startled..
Because You Actually Craved My Reflection In The Mirror
When Nobody Else Did And I Lost All Hope & Faith
Stayed In The Shadows For My Self Esteem Was Misplaced
I Thought You Could Do Better..So I..
I Rejected The Inpulse Of Happiness That You Vowed
I Was Neglected..Shook..By The Love You Endured Now
It Wasn't A Bad Thing..I Got Scared By Feeling Complete
Stayed In Quick Sand..Thinking It Was Safer Then Concrete
Didn't Believe A Perfect Angel Could Feel For My Struggle
Nobody Was Ever Here To Help Fit The Pieces Of The Puzzle
You Wanted ToBe My Sunrise And Sunset..I Was 'Bliss'
I Ran From You..Because Your Wants Were My Life Wish
But Now I'm Ready ToBe Your Horizon Of Dreams
As Complicating The Feeling Seems..I'm Ready By Any Means
I Suffered With Not Having You..To Tell You My Temptation
Thought Holding You Was Only Capable In Amagination
I Changed My Mind..My Life Style..I'll Give You Me..
Because Me Being With You..
Is The Winds Being Free..It's The True Destiny
So I Take This Moment To Write These Last Lines..
I'll Open My Arms Wide..To Hold You Untill My Demies
I Was Scared Cause You Loved Me..I Thought People Were Blind
You Granted A New Perspective In Me..Thank You For Changing My Mind
Good Luck Man.
Dear Diary:
Its now been a while since I’ve met him, I hope I’m cured
My mind now sees logic, I can now say that I’m pure
However, I’m not for sure that this demon will be gone
For its him who comes, when nothing is going wrong
I walk around being frowned upon, I’m just an outcast
I stop in the street, kids look down and try to act hard
I’m secluded in my room, staying away from the inevitable
Some say I’m ‘special’, yet they all stay uncharitable
But I don’t need them, all they wanna do is harm me
I’m all on my own, where as they have a whole army…
Listen to yourself, you don’t know what your saying
Sound like your praying, but its ME who’s gonna be stayin
See, no one even knows your alive, who cares if you die?
“Who was he? Good riddens if u ask me”, they’ll all reply
Its me who’s gonna provide what you need, listen to me
You try and avoid me, but you know you always hear me
Were brothers, its them that wanna harm us and we’ll fall
But if you listen to me closely, we’ll be standing tall…
…What are you saying? I’m secluded from those who question
How can I trust you? you’re the reason I’m scared of my reflection
Just leave me alone, I want no part of what you have to say
& why should I suffer, because I hate each & every yesterday
I want no part of what you have planned, I want to be normal
Locked away from those I love, all I have is this journal
I see people playing, I hear you saying they want to harm me
All I have is a warm patch in the corner, my life? Hardly
For I am suffering, yet believing everyone of your restrictions
But still I hate you, why cant I win our final confliction…
…Hahaha, you make it sound as your wanted literally
But what your failing to see, is that your part of one conspiracy
You hear that sound? No? I told you no one knows you
Leave this place, people will follow you, that I promise you
Its easy to do, you can end it all any way you want, simple
Just take that ashtray, then simply crack open your temple
Voila! You see, when you do that, everything will be over
Its magnificent, life flashes before you like a supernova
Now end it, you know yourself you have nothing to live for
Why be false to yourself? I mean, even YOU know you differ…
…Perhaps your right, all I think of is why’s there’s fear in me
That’s right, now your beginning to see things clearly
After all, I have succumbed to have feelings of mixed emotions
I’m pleased with your reasoning, you’re saving a lot of commotion
No one wants me here, its you that has my best interests at heart
Now you know what to do now, I’m here, were no longer apart
But I’m scared, how do I know that this is gonna be the finish
With a different heart and a change of mind WE can accomplish
Incase you all didn’t know, the guys a Schizophrenic…and the diary is him talking to the voices in his head.
Rule...
(this does not affect my decision but check your spelling) The approach was nicely done, and good use of different words...my main qualm with this was the flow of the piece...my belief is that your flow was based on a line by line basis, but not as a whole... every couple lines (3-4) has a good flow to them but then the pace of the piece changes with the next part...while you could not make a new paragraph due to it being a constant thought, keeping it as 1 long part hurt the read as a whole
N lit...
First off, you didnt need the little reminder at the end, sometimes its best to just let the reader interpret what they want from your piece...reading your piece was hard at times because alot the the rhymes were just plain off...
I walk around being frowned upon, I’m just an outcast
I stop in the street, kids look down and try to act hard
The idea of the call and response approach had good potential with the idea you had... i think it would have came off better had the two voices spoken differently, different word choice, vocabulary and how they say things...the piece kept a nice pace to it, no real problem...i think your word choice could have been far more diverse and sprinkle in some vocabulary every now and again
vote: rule
nice to see both of you SF reps. in here...
rule-HELLA LONG! lol... i did read it all tho...your piece was strong with content and from the heart, it's a simple way to hit the topic, but that's how our mind's are changed sometimes...well the imagry was good, a pretty good rhyming scheme...
flow was good ya know...nice vocab that always taps shit off...
nlitend-HELLA LONG ALSO!!!! lol... yes i read yours all the way thru too...your piece wasn't the best... i think you've done better...the complexity was slim...vocab could help you out some too...but imagry was ok...the way u hit the topic was dope...but you just didn't seem to go all that well with it...but it was still a decent piece...
but...
vote-rule
he just had a stronger piece
im going wit N-LitEnd on this one i just think
this wus an overall better verse... i wus lovin
the aproach voices in your head... i didnt need
the explanation sefl explanitory... some lines didnt rhyme
but overall good verse good lines and the edning came
off quite well too...
rule you had a good verse too good wordplay
hell lots of multis and good aproach at the topic
but you lacked creativity in my opinion...
which is the only reason im goig with
nlitend...
good job both!
Vote-N Lit-End
Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in
ive gotta go with realist this time, thought it was a much more enjoyable read, i liked the approach and the content, it seemed to fit better... the scheme was a bit off, with the flow, but as a whole it went better, than NlitEnd's, your verse was choppy, with a few poor rhymes, which let it down, you had quite an interesting concept, but dropped a bit in the execution.... so vote= rule
Dope..Repp SF baby..ok..so time to vote..I'm going with Rule on this..N Lit..Your read was interensting..But Rules just gripped me..it was interesting how he approached it and attacked..But good battle both you..
Vote- Rule
Strong Pieces from both of you. Everything came equally nice from both sides, but N-Lit, You had some forced lines throughout. Rule had a choppy flow, the basic line by line, but had presented his piece nicely. Both did a very good job, but Rule gets my vote because he came stronger in his flow and his organization.
I gona have to go with Rule
I liked both equaly the same, But i had to go with rule cuz i personaly think that N-Lit could have shaved his piece and pressented us with a more tidyer piece...
Not saying its choppy and shit, cuz i liked it...
But my mind goes towards rule
you know what....N Litend i really liked ur peice
and if u had gone with the diary thing...
like have an omnicent voice/verse that sets
immagery that hes actually writeing in his diary
like hes sitting in his room and his face shifts, voice
that hes speaking while hes writeing,,,and nice coop to the
topic on the last line.
rule-nice place u took this, blissfull wich is somethings
that people dont go through because saddnesss, negative
hits the heart more....ya know? but it seems that u took
the topic to a goodplace and not tottally.gj.
vote-since i beilieve rule had better lines, took it to a
creative side, as where n could have taken it creative.
rule gets my vote
vo.rul.
Rule Wins