A Pen And Pad (Collabo: Viscosity & Seklusion)

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=103777
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=102961
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=103769

Viscosity:
Faded colors on the cover,ink off a pen smothers
the inside of the notebook, text written wit meaning
Deciving viewers with authrority to read-it
the notebook and my heart - bleed together to finish-shit
Never writin impitient, the pen and pad is innocent
its the ogre, who sits over it and writes the pain he see's
The way he decrees, what he believes, the God of the journal
infernal fire resides in his mind and fingers of fame
The unknown name is never to be spoken, cept for the
firey rage that is exploadin, the journal lives on forever
The master and its slave together, writing the Ether
with no beats, no feats, just spoken-word,yet never to be heard
The respect he has earned, the pages torn and unwanted
A suspect of greatness he has learned, rages scorn yet taunten
bars wit no limit of length, the writers mind and rap strength
The top of the rank, where he stays King with his notebook
microphone wires hangin from his pocket, vocab out of socket
His brain insane, yet has meanin to be sane
this is why he will remain at the top of the game, wit one pad & pen


Seklusion:
A cover red as blood, representing the MCs I slain
To you; worthless, But it's the reason I'm sane
On the surface, slowly fading in black marker is name, worth and contents
Inside is the authorized version of my life, proving you couldn't outdo my worst offence
The times have been tough
Give me a place to write stuff and I had enough
I needed an escape, the world brought thoughts of bein' distraught
Rhymin' shit on the back of envelopes- lettin' stick-it notes be my piss pot
I felt as though I was on top of the world, couldn't nothin' move me from this spot
Here I am as a man
I never asked for no one's help, and no one leant me a hand
But I always had my notebook, Five Star Brand
Stare at me closely, see my eyes are bland
Biggest imagination, cause I'd sit alone, cold and devise far lands
In the 90's, kids were still slammin' and Pearl Jammin' all the night
I went home, ran words through the dome- comb as a microphone, spittin' over Rappers Delight
Dreamt of places where only the fit stayed afloat, the rest sunk
I gave hip-hop my heart, and it took the best chunk
I care for nothing but this book, it's power is sentimental
Before you overlook, realize it's my Bible, scriptures laid in pencil

This was a nice collabo....

Viscosity: Ur verse didnt seem to rhyme well.. It was cool....I think ya had the better mini multies in some places

Seklusion: I think seklusion had the deeper verse. I definitly felt his verse more..... I think ya had the better wordplay....U need to work on evening out your bars somewhat...


To improve, U should try to keystyle battle each to see what level of talent your at.... Both of U did an outstanding job doing this collabo...

thanks

Yeah this was a good collab here.....made a pretty nice read....both of you had good flow in this i thought, it fell off in some parts in both verses but it was good through out the collab....vocab from both was pretty good....your structure was alright, just watch the line lenght on some of your guys lines....you both had some alright multies...but overall this was a good collab...keep at it.

Viscosity: good imagery, although the flow was off and lacking in a rhyme scheme, some original stuff in here but the rhyming vocab that linked it was basic.

Seklusion: criticism here is the same as Viscosity, except that your flow was very broken and difficult to read, you need to make your lines the same length so people dont strain their eyes trying to read them.

your styles were very similar and were topics which made as a good collab. keep writing.

upp

upp

THAT WAS A TIGHT COLLAB
LIKE EVERYONE ABOVE SAID U NEED TO MAKE UR LINES SIMILIAR IN LENGTH
BESIDES THAT IT WAS GOOD KEEP IT UP

ur an idiot they were both 20 bars each, you didnt even read it.

upp

upp