doorway of time, 2nd verse

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...35#post1045635

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...49#post1045749

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...02#post1045802

the year was 2k1 and i was blown away/
her name was sue and, God, if id known today/
what mistakes would be made and the breaks that life gave/
maybe i'd still be sitting solo feeling light rage/
when i think of the situations we might stage/
the nights we got together that ended in fights, age/
is upon me now, im feeling older that my years/
as i scriblle memories down, holding back my tears/
if i could backtrack, id change more than a few things/
id probably take a trip to town centre and buy some new rings/
pass her my last name and be happy by now/
but you cant change the past at all, feel crappy and drown/
my first long term girlfriend is gone beyond reach/
so how long can i teach that its wrong to just breach/
a good commitment, a good life is something to work for/
this doorway of time will only make me hurt more/

i like that, good story i felt that. but i didnt like the hole last word needs to ryme. but still liked it. and thanks for the post on mine

i like that....gud steady flow...consistant n gud story to....keep droppin stuff like this it was a gud read!!! props to ya....pz

will ya check my shit....before live.....thanx!

Topic was very good and creative... vocabulary was alright and you made it very hard hitting and flow was consistant

that gives you 8.6/10

Return The Favor...Peep the Link in my signature

Ohh Another Ballad about THEM...

Ahh well...Women Aye...??

LOL...

I liked it...It stayed on topic, but what made that a good thing is becuz u found gold with that topic...

I liked it...

Its been sed allready...Flow was good...Ur Syllable count was steady, and thats important...(its not like im telling you whats important bout writtin a verse by the way)

Multies and shit was on point...But i guess it has to be for a verse to be trully reckognized....

Holla mine if u would be so kind.... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=103384