Topic: Surreal
Verses Due: Jan 9
Voting Ends: Jan 12
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Topic: Surreal
Verses Due: Jan 9
Voting Ends: Jan 12
im checking on in for the win ;)
In order to understand the meaning of his thoughts,
You'd have to understand the feelings he has caught,
These perplexed visions, reoccuring every day to day,
A land where he doesn't feel as an oddball, not astray,
So it'd be inevitable that more would come every time,
Lay to the pillow, more wrongful thoughts come to mind,
Sicker and sicker,whats wrong would be standard to ask,
But he starts to act them out, his old visions of the past,
The sexual ramparts of which none would want to know,
He knows ramifications,though he acts his thoughts alone,
As the lost thoughts would worsen, so would the moans,
Of the female body, chained to the basement of his home,
Play the games on her, that he'd played in his surreal dreams,
Angered though, that, now she screams, his anger beams,
Why is she acting different than she had before, is it cause,
She's chained to the floor? bodies remain, near the "whore",
These thoughts, these dreams, this distorted life he can't get,
He only has his one accolade and they're leaving, he frets,
Without it, what is he, how could he ever mend the seams,
He's not getting off on her now, he's lost his surreal dreams...
my b jus peeped this
ill post tomorow
I be that rolling stone – I roll and stay stoned
Surreal thoughts – hallucinations bringing me home
My dome’s in other places – flashback – her face is
Draped in hate – dates and kisses get wasted with hatred
Tr-Tr-Tr-Trippin wit’ no patience – shrooms broken up in rations
A white boy flippin – in a ject’s full of hatians
There’s no discrimination – the blunt gets passed
From West Coast to East Coast – yo we all get trashed
And that’s the thing – cuz the drugs bring us together
If Bush dropped Acid with me – I gaurentee the world be better
And that’s unfortunate
- cuz that shit will never happen
So I voice my opinions through trippin sack and rappin
It’s Surreal – Makes you think you do when you really don’t
It’s Surreal – Makes you think you will when you really wont
The worlds fuck up – so what the fuck you gonna do
Get just as fucked up – relax and stay true
I walk down my flight of stairs – the walls give me stairs
I’m fallin – despair – bawlin and crawlin all up in my chair
Life’s unfair – flashback – Impos-- – flashforward – im trippin sack
Ma’s in the kitchen lookin like oprah on crack
So I step back – relax – reality’s just around the block
Life in the fastlane – and I decide to take the walk
Thirteen years old – received a joint – told me to hit it
And since lifes been Surreal so im really glad I did it
ehh.. decent battle here
Sarcasm got out his message, yet lacked the creativity
not a real 'on point' flow to it.. could have been handled better.
Kost was on the iffy side. like sometimes i'd be like "yeah that
shits nice" n' on the other lines i'd be like "ehh, could have
been worded better".. your flow was deffinitly catchy n' kept
me readin. creativity was in there.. but still things lacked
v/ Kost
ok battle..........good creativity, sarcasm could have came harder......its not that close, breakdown:
Sarcasm: rhyme scheme: 6.5, flow: 6.5, story: 7.5, total= 20.5
Kost: rhyme scheme: 7.5, flow: 7, story: 7.5, total= 22
vote Kost, no hard feelins.............tha idea and flow won it for Kost, you might have taken this Sarcasm if you would have gone more in depth with your story....kinda confusin, peace, 1
p.s. Vote on my championship battle vs. Aus
Dope .........
Storyline-Kost
Imagery-Kost
Creativity-Kost
Structure-Tie
Flow-Tie
Wordplay-Tie
Originality-Sarcasm
Vote-Kost
Kost did dope as fuck in this shit
Dope shit homie... keep it up
Very enjoyable battle
But kost got this hands down
Nice little battle here...
I feel Sarcasm had the better imagery...
But alot of lines left me like, huh?
The format, rhyme scheme at times, I don't know...
Something was off. Maybe emotion.
Cuz I didn't feel anything reading this...
I couldn't even feel sorry for the tortured girl, you made her so plastic, an object.
Maybe that's how the rhyme was suppossed to work, to show his thoughts and shit in his surreal mindset...
I got that, but as a reader, I need to see the whole picture from all sides. Or at least be able to distinguish reality from his point of view. This just left me blank.
Kost went a totally different route.
He had a song type beat to his, real good flow on this one.
And the humor, imagery, with big time emotion were on point.
I could see where he was coming from right away and it's flow helped vibe this right along.
Not too big on vocab and complexity, but it's the emotion and message that wins it for this one.
Kost
Well. BTK got it on point..
Kost wins.
[closed]