Topic: The 13th Disciple
Verses Due: Jan 9
Voting Ends: Jan 12
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Topic: The 13th Disciple
Verses Due: Jan 9
Voting Ends: Jan 12
Hi
Check
In the silence of the night, it's cold, wind whistles through the air
The full story was never told, those with a narrow mind beware
Coz you should be aware that Judas was nothin compared to him
This man makes volcanoes erupt and makes all the lights dim
His life was grim, followin Jesus around like a slave everyday
One day he wanted a change and didnt have the guts to say
So as Jesus lay in a deep sleep, he went walkin to clear his head
Took a look back at his life and decided Jesus should be dead
So to himself he said, no-one knows I exist so I'm a frame Judas
Once I was somebody but I wont be one of the worshippin losers
The romans are boozers, drinkin, laughin and always jokin
These muthafuckers are sleepin, healin and as for life, just hopin
He didnt wanna be constantly mopin around so he went to rome
Talked to Ceaser and revealed the location of Jesus Christ's home
He was paid in gold and his identity was hidden from the citizens
So Jesus was caught and thrown in the kings palace prison
The traitors mission was accomplished, Jesus was crucified
Judas was blamed and the whole of rome cried
But very few people know that the bible has lied......
Follow into the darkness, a glimpse from another time.......
Witness fallacies of a man, and his state of his mind inside.....
Shadowed from hierarchy figures, while the savior ignored....
The deviance built in this man, lethally wielding the sword....
A process for dominance...the 13 Disciple ever creeped....
Unaware, Jesus presumed, until the Devil was at his feet....
Defined traitor and treasonist, Christ's sovereignty lost....
Soul derived from the lashed torso, pinned to the cross.....
Yet prior death, as Jesus ate his Last Supper he thought...
Proclaimed loyality to all disciples...yet one that he caught...
One he knew would fail his service, as he scanned the table...
He met eyes with the 13th...knowing well certain he was able....
He finished the meal on Thursday, Friday he was sent to death....
Sunday his soul arose, the disciple exposed untrue and left....
13th copmleted his mission, with his outcome, there's no telling....
Yet the 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse were sucome to mere gelding....
Though Jesus came out the victor, in this monumental glory....
Yet without the 13th, Jesus flaws are never evident in this story....
this was a fairly decent battle. I hated that neither of you flipped the topic at all.
LM-Your flow was pretty good, and there was some use of internal rhyming that was fairly decent as well. Your structure was good, not great, but it didn't piss me off =). Your storytelling was good, really well developed and described. Overall, I would say this is a mediocre verse, but I haven't seen the rest of your work, so I don't know what you're capable of. I think with a bit of fine tuning here and there you could be really dope.
Taktik-Your storytelling wasn't as clear as LM's, but where you lacked clarity you had nice multies and a cool flow. Your wordplay was really good, I particularly enjoyedgood work man, with improvement this could also be really dope.Quote:
Yet the 4 Horsemen of Apocalypse were sucome to mere gelding....
vote-taktik
Damn...
This was practically the same exact story.
How's a motherfucker to judge?
First off, or rather lastly...
Ya'll both kind of stumbled on the closers.
LM went from a 2 line rhyme scheme, to a 3 line scheme at the bottom.
Fucked the flow up some...
Taktik had a steady rhyme, but his flow was very choppy at the end.
As far as content.
LM told the better (simpler) story, easier to read.
Taktik came with the complexity and the vocab.
Flow was on point, length was the same...
I'm gonna have to take points off and subsequently give this loss to LM...
Only, and I mean ONLY, cuz he stopped in mid verse for some reason, and did this...
So to himself he said, no-one knows I exist so I'm a frame Judas
Once I was somebody but I wont be one of the worshippin losers
The romans are boozers, drinkin, laughin and always jokin
These muthafuckers are sleepin, healin and as for life, just hopin
It's like ya suddenly made 13th a gangsta talkin dude.
I'm sure he was probably one at heart, but the lingo was really bad and out of place in this otherwise very thoughtful and deep verse.
So, for staying steady with the concept, and having some better vocab/complexity...
Taktik
But, had LM not done what I pointed out...
I'd have given him the vote for the easier and better reading verse.
It was that close...
Real good work, LM...
Taktik
taktik- had this from beginning to end
he just had more imagry and content into his verse
a great battler... and a just as good topical head
the whole piece was strong
LM-not too bad... you may get better in the long run
overall a decent drop... emotion n content was ur strong points
good way at hitting the topic..
gotta go with tak...
had the better piece
Two good pieces..
taktik deffinitly suprised me here.. after reading LM's piece
n' knowing taktiks topical writing (which i haven't seen in
awhile), i didn't think tak could get up to that but seriously
impressed me here.. i liked the whole thing throughout
the flow was on point with the depth of the piece..
v/ Taktik
Aight - you guys both takled the topic in the same way - tellin a story of this 13th dicipleQuote:
Originally posted by Born To Kill
Damn...
This was practically the same exact story.
How's a motherfucker to judge?
LM did the whole judas thing which was interesting because i never really read the story -
sometimes tho i felt like there was a lack of a writers voice in the verse - i mean the vocab and words were alright it just really seemed like a narrative rather then your take on the topic...which is what i usually like to see in topicals
Taktik had the same kind of thing . . . you showed great wordplay skills with alot of hot multis and what not but like LM i didnt really see any personal connection with the peice...
so voice aside - this battle /(judged on words and whatnot)/ is going to Taktik simply because it was smoother...but LM you posted a nice verse and overall a verry good battle...
hmmmmmm.....close battle.....same angle, hard ta judge.....i'm dissapointed in length, tha breakdown:
LM: Rhyme Scheme- 6.5, flow- 7.5, story- 8, total= 22
Taktik: Rhyme Scheme- 7, flow- 7, story- 7.5, total=21.5
really close battle....almost mirrors, but i gotta go againt tha grain and give LM this one......no hard feelin's.....may tha best man win,
stay real, peace, 1
p.s. yo....check out my championship battle vs Aus
taktik wins.
[closed]