At the swimming pool...[Keystyle]

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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...hreadid=102314


Meh...not as good as my other two drops...but I styll think it's fukkin funny lol. Check dis out...latest keystyle by PaYce...a day at the swimming pool! enjoy =)
*Story from Sandlot* lmao


[PaYce]
Wat up guys?
[Guys]
PaYce dawg...I saw u gettin arrested the other day...what happened dawg!?!?!?! I heard you was layin it down on sum lifegaurd!!! tell us what happened!?!?!?
[PaYce]
Haha...ya'll just can't get enuff of my stories...check dis out lol...

I always chill at the pool...just to see the lifeguard
Gurl looks better than Berry...than she did in Gothicka!
One day last summer...just couldn't take it no more!
Wanted me wit her...and my seamon on the floor!
I devised an ill plan...This shit had no way to fail!
and if all went right...then my dick would prevail!
Knowin I couldn't swim...walked to the divin board,
Bounced off dat shit...with dreams of sexual intercourse!
My plan worked perfect...she dived right off her tower,
and within that reaction...my cock gained power!
Everybody watched as she saved me...lay me on deck
she went "I must do CPR...or dis kids good as dead!
So she put her lips to my mouth...Breathed in once,
Little did this bitch noe...my fun was far from done!
Breathed in again...and checked my breathin payce
hadda hold my breath...tho my heart started 2 race
She went in again...Now it was tyme for the finisher!
Pressed her lips against mine...ya noe i was kissin her!
Inserted my tongue...started rubbin it against hers!
When she picked me up and yelled "U LIL FUKKIN PERV!"
Gurl grabbed my arm...and threw me out of the pool
I yelled "told ya'll I was smart...Momma didnt raise no fool!"
Next thing I dat I knew...The cops had me...I under arrest
apparently the gurl was 17...even tho she had a DD chest!
It was all worth it...I would have killed just to kiss dis g!
even tho she was a minor.............................
...............she'll always be an adult to me!

[Guys]
Ahahahahaha...PaYce u lil dirty fuk! wat else did u do???

Payce]
Before I went to sleep dat night...I sung "I Wish"...
Cuz Just like R.Kelly..............
I prayed to fuk another teenage Bitch!!!

[Guys]
AHAHAHAHA!!!

dude, as a concept it was original. lyrically it was lacking in vocab, multis, imagination and out-right basic in places. recommend you elavate and read up on some tight emcees.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Johnny 6-feet
dude, as a concept it was original. lyrically it was lacking in vocab, multis, imagination and out-right basic in places. recommend you elavate and read up on some tight emcees.

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lol, its a story man...what I believe is that using big vocab in funny stories really makes them unwitty...Like if I was hearin a funny story...I wouldn't wanna be hearin words like "jubliant". Just wanna keep it simple so u can sit bak n laugh.

Thanks for the feedback tho...guess I did come a lil soft.
Just a quick keystyle.

story wusnt really original to me you ripped that shit off the sandlot nigga!! anyway ya other 2 were funny tho...
Peac3_____________--------------------__________.....................

bitten concept but the read was still cool, flow was on point and all other shit was nice, keep elevating.

lmfao...i saw my cousin watchin it today...and I was like "dayum!! dats fukkin jokes" Let me write a rap for dat lmao. oh well.

LOL
elevate
but it was a funny azz story

yo payce check out my open mic ' Burnin CD'z '
i need some more feedback i think it's a little similar to ya style

That was another funny story. but anybody seen The Sandlot? same shit happnes. but Payce......your a funny as comedian type emcee. i love that mcdonalds one man.

^feelin that

yeah, i liked that Macdonalds one better but this had some good lines...i would change that 'momma din't raise no fool' line though...kinda from 'Changes' but it was a laugh..brightened up the morning..