smoke,cars,and money

replys:
1.My life:You Strong Enough?!...........by. Ape
2.Fuck'em...........by.Deva
3.first rhyme for RB.com...........by.WhiteRhymes







Yo this is a lil sumthin I put together fo yall so tell me wut ya think.........





I been ~smoking~ in ~motion~,Lyrical ~potion~,~arrosin~,Grab the baby oil with some ~Lotion~ cuz this hoe just ~awoken~//
My bombs an ~explosion~,Aint staying calm for no~hoe shit~,trying to get this "money and paper" ~So quick~ how you going to be a "pimp"?...With ~No Flex~//
My flow is ~so sick~,everbody already ~knows it~,I have more flow than the Damn...~Pacific Ocean~//
You are a "sexual areobic",My rims spinning like ~Spin tops~,no way that~ youre hott~,I got idea...~Im hott~ and ~Youre not~//
Smoking pots,like ~food crops~,like Dalmations you ~have spots~,Have spots?What damn ~Spot~?The "Damn Spot" on your head....~POP!~//{Its bust now}
Now im going around the ~School Block~,my brain losser than a ~Loose Top~,The girls take a look at my "Penus",they say it's a Gangsta like ~TU-Pac~//
Now im hitting a "new Block~,Looking for hotties and hot ~Money~,I probably aint "J Lo" but when I get mine,im gone be like ~Aint it Funny~?////

{Chorusx2}
Smoke cars and money....{thats all i need}
Smoke cars and money...{To please my needs}
Smoke cars and money,smoke cars and money,Smoke cars and money...{Now let me free}

I got a Exipdition,aint in know conditon,to be spittin/
Im so high if i look at the sky my eyeballs gone look Supersticous/
Ready to grant wishes,like Grandpa's catch fishes,but i dont catch fishes,I smoke,get money,and test bitches/
Im religous,but smoke it's like a freind to me,just picture a ice out,smokin Statue of Liberty//
Hell naw i dont spit for free,Bulletproof turn down a G,If i get shot right about now my level will still increase//
Got throw back Proof's on my feet,I dont need no G's or no speech,I'll put your Vocals cords out your system on purpose,just not to hear you speak/
Dont bust in the restroom,im taking a leak,Money thats what i freak,I have a Throwback gold in my mouth and add to that a throwback jeep/
Now that would put you to sleep,cuz you will only have that in your dreams,Like computer it been installed and establish,but not for free//
Im through bout rapping bout Smokein,cars,and Mon-ey,Now im bout to bang two honeys,and guess what im bout to have "Jungo Fever" for fucking a Playboy Bunny/Get it?



yo yall give me sum feedback and tell me wut ya think of my wordplay and structure you know shit like dat

This was ok....but you need to work on your structure though...your lines are too far stretched out, try to shorten them down a lot so its structured well..and so it helps the flow out in your pieces...also try adding some multies but keep at it.

elevate. lose your ~~~~ puncuation.

I need mo feedback homies and oh yeah thanks fo da recent feedback yall.......................peace

yo homies I wanna get peoples voting in dis battle so here.........................http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...hreadid=100029

what masta C said... and lose the gangsta image... its kinda boring... add multis, and lose the ~, makes it hard to read

didn't really like this, it seemed to simple, step up your vocab a little, and if a stupid line comes that rhymes like " Grandpa's catch fishes" throwem away and think a little harder, a few words used a couple times that kind of throws it off, but keep at, and lets see where you get, hold em down

yo lyrical killer, wuz up nigga, dis shit was tight dawg I truly liked dis. The only thing I didn't feel was da line length but cut down dat line length and you'll eat emcees for lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!



LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you bested me in our battle to so I'll give you props dawg, good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!