The Water's Reflection (Kaotic.Theory & Comadose)

BASIC= Kaotic Theory
ITALIC = Comadose

A pale vision
of a damaged victim
paralyzed in..
an emotional collision

these watery creatures
pose as knives
swimming through my features

in my imagination
everyone is naked
and simular..
like a perfect nation

but reality remind's me
im a scarred tissue
with no one behind me

i see a tormented soul
heart as dark as coal
with confusion..
of only moss in my soul

rusty memories of myself
fixated on health and wealth
but trapped in this blue hell

for as many year's
my existance stood awful
dripped plenty tears
into this..
half empty water whole


as i daze upon
merky water
rippled reflections
tell me...
they tell me im stranded
on a virgin island
heading to the depths
of hell
they tell me
my well being is lost
in a sewer drain
to the tip top
other than a fuck up...
what am i?...
reflection, tell me...
not a wave can crash, or a bubble afloat

*spits in water*


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-s-358740.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-358998.html

aaaaa eeeeh.. dont think this one was really for me. val, you came out super meter reliant, which, that kind of shit sort of rubs me the wrong way personally when it comes to poetry, so its like after that i was sort of bias the rest of the way through and became super aware of your meter and it distracted entirely from the actual content. basically it left me with rhyms and that was it by the end cuz of that shit. you have some dope lines though still, i really liked the line, '... pose as knives..' was a cool metaphor and a unique image, different wording aswell. but, it didnt really gain any momentum for me. it was just pretty moments every stanza or so. sorry man. didnt fully vibe out on this one.

thanks for leaving feed on my part.

bump

I'd have to agree with atti on nothing really standing out in this piece..but all in all it still was a solid drop...you had great moments in certain stanza's KaO...but your strongest point would've been the emotion..you kept that flowing through out the piece....with some realism here and there...Morf..I think you did a good job finishing this one off you touched on the feeling of giving up or giving in..and added tot he realism of KaO's part..so yeah this was a decent collab...fellas...props on a good drop..

imo a solid elusive but at the same time straight forward piece, as a collab by you two i was thinking of something more, but i can say emotion was on point, and to me that's the most important part of a piece. overall flowed well i might say morf had the stronger part.... bit i think he had to in order to close thos solid enuff


so overall coo collab

thanx
bump

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kaotic.

thanx
bump

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word

Wasn't really feeling the metaphores or descriptives in the beggining couple stanzas. But after a while they really strengthened guys. Felt the story and concept were pretty well done. Yet still could've been worked on just a little bit more. The imagery was pretty nice. But nothing too far out there that stood out for me. Emotion was decent, nothing really great. So in all due respect.. it was just alright for me. Kind of a let down. But you guys have done better shit seperatly to make up for this one piece. Keep writing,.