Cliche` Killers Presesnts: Black

Theres an eternal sunsine inside me that fell blackhole
To corporate assholes that lack the common pastorals
To produce a productive prime example of a portolio parody
That would mock my innerchild that has a tendency of scaring me
So if theres a dim of light, i want it painted black
Because we all wear a tainted hat, thats runs with a faded cap
And when your snoozing at night, it'll bend your bill back
Cuz it dared to be white, if ya'll can feel that?
Because i'll decribe my life alpha to omega with DARK
so the ogre on my shoulder will have a real reason to spark
And the boulder that gets older has a reason to start
Shit with that back that keeps it eating my heart
Theres no reason to part, people from other breeds
I gave my paper to the pavillion to vanish my mauve
And take along with it every advantage i sought
i have a tendencie to roam rome with a flaming arrows tragectory
Because i dared to be different, and the world rejected me
Went out on the limb, of a unrooted tree
So what goes around comes around, and that shits new to me
I hate the moon, bring doom to the true rooter
Becauz a black full doesnt arrive from a blue lunar
SO PAINT IT ALL BLACK! That's my take, my retrospec
Because you paint the world, and nobody helped me yet...

peeped lm and 2hot2handle

Pretty good shit....mutlis were good....flow was good...emotion was kinda off and on...but your imagery was straight also.....here's what I liked most from this....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Vylint's Best Lines

have a tendencie to roam rome with a flaming arrows tragectory
Because i dared to be different, and the world rejected me
Went out on the limb, of a unrooted tree
So what goes around comes around, and that shits new to me
I hate the moon, bring doom to the true rooter
Becauz a black full doesnt arrive from a blue lunar
SO PAINT IT ALL BLACK! That's my take, my retrospec
Because you paint the world, and nobody helped me yet...

---

^^About midways to the ending...you had the most emotion....better vocabulary, flow, and multis....good thoughts and imagery...your metaphorical tongue was dope.....which is why this caught my eye....your climax in essence...


BreakDown
Vocabulary - Very Good
Flow - Very Good
Imagery - Very Good
Emotion - Very Good
Multis - Very Good
Overall:
Good shit....I felt you could've done better with this......due to some of it seemed to be rushed thoughts....overall it was a good read...and you had nice concepts and it was original...which is what matters most....


Rating
8.5/10

Ha..Good drop Mr. Arrogant.
lol..Nah i did like this though.
Shit was on point.
Now im out
i gotta go to work.

you guys suck at replying.

this was an ight verse had some good quotables also feeling the way it was all set up onpoint flow with just the right amount of multie had me into it that whole time keep doing ya thing


be kind peep mine

Ayo that was dope as fuck nate! goddamn your ill.

shit blew my mind the way you put erything. the ender was flame-oh.

"Theres an eternal sunsine inside me that fell blackhole
To corporate assholes that lack the common pastorals
To produce a productive prime example of a portolio parody
That would mock my innerchild that has a tendency of scaring me
So if theres a dim of light, i want it painted black
Because we all wear a tainted hat, thats runs with a faded cap
And when your snoozing at night, it'll bend your bill back
Cuz it dared to be white, if ya'll can feel that?
Because i'll decribe my life alpha to omega with DARK
so the ogre on my shoulder will have a real reason to spark
And the boulder that gets older has a reason to start
Shit with that back that keeps it eating my heart
Theres no reason to part, people from other breeds
I gave my paper to the pavillion to vanish my mauve
And take along with it every advantage i sought
i have a tendencie to roam rome with a flaming arrows tragectory
Because i dared to be different, and the world rejected me
Went out on the limb, of a unrooted tree
So what goes around comes around, and that shits new to me
I hate the moon, bring doom to the true rooter
Becauz a black full doesnt arrive from a blue lunar
SO PAINT IT ALL BLACK! That's my take, my retrospec
Because you paint the world, and nobody helped me yet..."


niceness

ups