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Last Words.
Tears rollin down my cheeks, my heart in my chest,
Somethings to get off my mind before I can fully rest,
"First and foremost I love you, with all my heart,
I hate the terms between us now - us being apart,
You were my heart and my soul, plus all thats in between,
We had lots of fusses and fights, I said stuff I didnt mean,
But every relationship has turmoil, ours just ended rough,
You helped me grow up, and you helped me stay tough,
You always kept me safe, and I should've kept watch over you,
Heartbreaks, rape, attempted suicides, you helped me through,
Its been almost two years, and without you im lost - completely,
No one I'm with will ever compare to how you used to treat me,"
I wipe my tears, down on bended knee in infront of a head stone,
"I can't believe its been almost two years now since I've been alone,
I remember when I heard about your accident, all I did was cry,
I didnt believe it until I went to your funeral, then I saw it wasnt a lie,
Everyone around, Sean... we really miss you, you're always on my mind,
God takes everyone, but I wanna know why did it have to be your time?"
Laying the rose down upon the headstone, blowing a kiss to the sky,
"I miss you. And I love you. You were my angel. I guess this is goodbye."
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Nice peice Ma. Lots of emotion was put into this. The end had alot of imagery. Keep droppin poems fam.
-Wise
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This was a nice peice. The imagery was decent...emotion was good. It flowed smoothly as well. I felt that a lot of your lines were very simplistic but I think that you pulled it off well with that. At first I thought it was about a breakup then you surprised me at the end, very touching. Keep droppin. peace
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thanks for the feedback... i appreciate it a lot.
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Girl you had me cryin. It made me think of how much I miss Josh. Emotion was pourin out of it. Imagery was great. Keep up ma. Great job. I'll tty on AIM bout it.
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Okay drop the emotion was good. Imaginary was okay you lacked a few details but I thought the overall outcome was nice.
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This was beatiful...a lot better than you last poem because this one gave off the feeling of true emotion and did not seem forced at all....maybe you could added a bit of imagry but the emotion was more than enough to caru this poem...keep it up
Peep "A Broken Home" and/or "6th Amendment" in my sig please
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Good work....I don't want to really repeat anyone else but it was pretty much solid except for a few things here and there....story lacked a lil substance but all and all, good work. Nice imagery!
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^thanks for the feedback - i appreciate it all.
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Ok...
Your last two lines were the ones
To touch me the most. Emotional piece.
Ok vocabulary can use more better though.
Nice structure and well kept flow, even though
poems don't really need a flow.
The story was cool somewhat not unique
but this probably happened to you.
I was definitly feeling it threw out I must admit.
Stay scripting..peace
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Twisted and Dths are back? Nice.
Great poem. Really felt emotion pouring out of this. Great in all aspects. Excuse me for my weak critic my lady.
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^its okay... thanks everyone for the crit. :)
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damn boo i see your still droppin tha hottness,this piece was ill,and it was full of emotion,thats a sad story, u got mad skill babygirl.keep on droppin hottness/~1~
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^^ Thankss... i appreciate it <3